Purpose
To help people get to know one another not only through their interests, work, or identities, but also through their care needs, boundaries, and the ways they can support each other.
What need does it address?
- Making it easier for people to ask for help
- Creating space to discuss care needs before a crisis occurs
- Reducing misunderstandings and assumptions in close relationships
- Recognizing that everyone has a different language of care
- Strengthening trust, reciprocity, and mutual support
How can it be practiced?
1. Set an intention to explore together.
You can practice this ritual with a friend, partner, family member, work team, or community.
The goal is not to test one another, but to better understand each other’s care needs.
2. Ask one another care-centered questions.
For example:
- How would you like me to support you when you’re sick?
- Is it easy or difficult for you to ask for help?
- What comforts you most after a difficult day?
- What small gestures make you feel cared for?
- How do you prefer not to be supported?
- How do you usually show that you’re overwhelmed or busy?
- How do you typically care for others?
3. Try small care experiments.
After the conversation, you can experiment with small acts of care for one another.
For example:
- Tell a friend three small acts of care you would like to offer them, and reflect together at the end of the day on whether you followed through.
- Learn what foods they enjoy when they are sick.
- Make a note of their favorite tea, coffee, or drink.
- Learn who they would want contacted in an emergency.
- Note any important allergies or health information they wish to share.
- Ask what films or series they enjoy watching when they are unwell.
- If they have a pet, learn about its food brand or care routine.
4. Keep a care journal.
You may want to take small notes as you reflect on your own care patterns.
For example:
- I noticed that I struggle to ask for help.
- I often expect others to understand my needs without me expressing them.
- Supporting others feels easier than receiving support.
- I tend to become quiet instead of saying I’m exhausted.
- What helps me most is not solutions, but being listened to.
5. Revisit the ritual regularly.
Our needs change over time.
Having this conversation a few times a year can help keep care relationships alive and responsive.
Things to keep in mind
- Participation should always be voluntary.
- Not everyone will want to answer every question.
- Personal information shared during the process should remain confidential.
- The goal is not to “fix” one another, but to understand one another.
- Care needs may change over time.
The İhtimam Perspective
İhtimam Rituals offer practical ways to strengthen care relationships in everyday life. However, lasting solutions to the conditions that make care invisible require transformation in institutions, policies, and systems as well.
For more structural approaches, explore the Care Policy Recommendation Tool.
Shared by
This ritual was contributed by one of İhtimam’s Co-Nurturers.
İhtimam Rituals is a living collection of care practices developed by individuals, communities, and organizations in everyday life. You are invited to contribute your own care ritual and help grow this collective archive.